Internet Tech Support

So what is the speed limit?

LOL

Why you don't sleep in class

Sleeping Guy Gets His Desk Pulled Out

GOD IS LIKE...

God is like...
BAYER ASPIRIN
He works miracles.

God is like...
A FORD
He's got a better idea.

God is like...
COKE
He's the real thing.

God is like...
HALLMARK CARDS
He cares enough to send His very best.

God is like...
TIDE
He gets the stains out that others leave behind.

God is like...
GENERAL ELECTRIC
He brings good things to life.

God is like...
SEARS
He has everything.

God is like...
ALKA-SELTZER
Try Him, you'll like Him

God is like...
SCOTCH TAPE
You can't see Him, but you know He's there.

God is like...
DELTA
He's ready when you are.

God is like...
ALLSTATE
You're in good hands with Him.

God is like...
VO-5 Hair Spray
He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is like...
DIAL SOAP
Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?

God is like...
The U.S. POST OFFICE
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.

Faith is not believing that God can - It's knowing that he will !

Mystery cat takes bus to shops

The cat, nicknamed Macavity, has one blue eye and one green eye

He gets on the bus in front of a row of 1950s semi-detached houses and jumps off at a row of stores down the road.

Driver Bill Khunkhun, 49, who first saw the cat jumping from the bus in January, said: "It is really odd, the first time I saw the cat jumping off the bus with a group of passengers. I hadn't seen it get on which was a bit confusing.
"The next day I pulled up on Churchill Road to let a couple of passengers on. As soon as I opened the doors the cat ran towards the bus, jumped on and ran under one of the seats, I don't think any of the passengers noticed.
"He sat at the front of the bus, waited patiently for the next stop and then got off. It was quite strange at first but now it just seems normal. I suppose he is the perfect passenger really - he sits quietly, minds his own business and then gets off."

STOCK MARKET RESULTS!

They are as follows . . .

Helium was up, feathers were down.

Paper was stationery.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cows steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remain unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

And Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

All new meaning of mounting your diamond

Getting Older

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

Brides Deceased Father Attends Wedding

Bride Celeste Egan carried her late father down the aisle after his body was turned into a diamond.
After Mick Egan died of a brain hemorrhage last year, Susan, his wife of 30 years, decided a diamond would make a fitting memorial.
The stone took 24 weeks to create and arrived the day before daughter Celeste's wedding, in time for her to carry it down the aisle.
Celeste, from Blackpool, told the BBC: "It seemed like the right thing to do for us as a family and for my Dad - we think he would have loved the idea."
Creating a diamond from a body involves extracting carbon from the ashes, then heating it to extreme temperatures to convert it into graphite.
Susan Egan added: "We had to have a blue one because my husband's eyes are blue. I never visualized that it would be so beautiful until it arrived. He is my diamond geezer now. "It was the right thing to do and it just brings me so much comfort that I've got it now to last forever."