Sunday, May 6, 2007
Joke for the day
Cosmetics
Harold's wife bought a new line of
expensive cosmetics guaranteed
to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before
the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked,
"Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Harold replied,
"Judging from your skin, twenty;
your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she Blushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!"
Harold interrupted.
"I haven't added them up yet."
Harold's wife bought a new line of
expensive cosmetics guaranteed
to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before
the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked,
"Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Harold replied,
"Judging from your skin, twenty;
your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she Blushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!"
Harold interrupted.
"I haven't added them up yet."
LIFE’S REALITY
Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president until you earn it.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them so you don’t do it again.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the world from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television and Computer’s is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave them and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to everyone because you never know when they might have the upper hand in life. Other wise do onto other’s the way you want it done to you.
Rule 12: Life will never be fair if you only think of yourself.
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president until you earn it.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them so you don’t do it again.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the world from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television and Computer’s is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave them and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to everyone because you never know when they might have the upper hand in life. Other wise do onto other’s the way you want it done to you.
Rule 12: Life will never be fair if you only think of yourself.
Pet for the day
Name: AliceAge: Two years, two months old
Gender: Female
Kind: Albino Gerbil
Home: Orient, Ohio, USA
This is Alice, she's an albino gerbil, so yes, her eyes are really red, it's not the camera's fault. I've had Alice for two years and she is very special to me. She's a quick as lightning little critter who is full of life and love. Her favorite things to do are burrow (even on the glass walls of her aquarium and in your hands) and shred everything in sight! She is funny and friendly and curious, too. She amuses us continually and it is so fun to have such a unique, albino gerbil like my Alice! I love her very much!
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Joke for the day
Heimlich Maneuver
At a buffet, a man suddenly called out, "Help! My son is choking!
At a buffet, a man suddenly called out, "Help! My son is choking!
He swallowed a quarter! Please, anyone, help!"
A man from a nearby table quietly stood up and said that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing.
He walked over to the boy -- suddenly squeezed hard in a sensitive spot, and out popped the quarter.
The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
"Thank you! Thank you!" cried the father. "Are you a paramedic?"
"No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."
A man from a nearby table quietly stood up and said that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing.
He walked over to the boy -- suddenly squeezed hard in a sensitive spot, and out popped the quarter.
The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
"Thank you! Thank you!" cried the father. "Are you a paramedic?"
"No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."
Video for the day
The “Twirl-a-Squirrel” could quite possibly be the best feeder ever — “Squirrel’s weight on feeder activates a motor which gently twirls him off.”
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