Then you'rin for an education.
Armadillos traditionally sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 types live in Texas.
Raccoons will test your melon crop and let you know when they are ripe.
If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!
Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
There are valid reasons why some people put razor wire around their house.
A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 'til June 25; then it stops totally until October 2.
Onced and twiced are words.
Coldbeer is one word.
People actually grow and eat okra.
Green grass DOES burn.
When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.
The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.
When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor.
"Fixin-to" is one word.
There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There is only breakfast, dinner and then there's supper.
"Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you are two.
"Backards and forards" means I know everything about you.
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done, or it's too dark to see.
You measure distance in minutes or hours.
You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
Stores don't have bags. They have sacks.
You see a car with the engine running in the Wal-Mart parking lot with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable.
You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables for your own car.
You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco.
You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.
Sexy underwear is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require six pages to cover Friday night high school football.
The first day of deer season is a state holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.
All four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal- Martin" or "off to Wally-world.”
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili-eatin' weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop... It's a Coke regardless of brand or flavor
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Then you'rin for an education.
June 28, 2007
An Israeli criminal slipped away from house arrest by putting his electronic ankle monitor on his dog, police said on Thursday.
It wasn't until police came to take Nabil Farumi, convicted of attempted murder, to a sentencing hearing, that he was gone without a trace.
"After we searched the house we saw that he somehow managed to take the monitor off his leg and place it around he neck of his dog, who continued to walk around the house," said Yoram Danieli, a police commander in northern Israel.
Italian scientists have developed a pill that expands in the stomach to make dieters feel full. They liken the effect to eating a bowl of spaghetti and say the pill can stop hunger for a few hours. It is made from a hydrogel, which the team developed when trying to make more absorbent nappy linings, and may help in the battle against obesity. The tiny pill is powdery when dry but when swallowed with a glass of water turns to a jelly-like ball in the stomach.It is made from an organic compound called cellulose and can be flushed out by the body. The pill, which has yet to be named, is being tested in a further 90 overweight volunteers who will be monitored to see how much weight they lose and if there are any adverse effects.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Trying to explain the lesson clearer, she told her class if I stood on my head, the blood as you know would run into my head and I would turn red in the face.
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright position the blood doesn't run into my feet and make them turn red?"
A young boy shouted, "Because your feet ain't empty."
The visit would follow his attendance at the annual Apec summit in Sydney on September 8 and 9.
Would you like George Bush to visit NZ?
Here is a selection of Your Views:
Dave (Auckland CBD) New Zealand customs would never allow well known terrorists into the country, so why let Bush? He is responsible for the hundred's of thousands of deaths in the middle east since his "coalition" of killers invaded Iraq, just so "Daddy and friends" can get their hands on the oil and also make enormous amounts of money in arms dealings. Bush is not welcome in NZ! Let's not let the evil monkey set foot in God zone!
Martina (Auckland) We should not be giving Bush the impression that he is welcome here, because he is obviously not. I would resent us funding his useless little visit, too.
Richard I would welcome Bush into NZ, he is very welcome here. And I hope our Government gives him the welcome he deserves and arrests him, and charges him with war crimes and crimes against humanity. This war criminal should be treated like all war criminals.
Steve Schoenberg I would favor Bush visiting only if we promptly arrest him for war crimes. Providing he is in jail, I would favor him staying a while.
John W No thanks! The only place Bush deserves to visit is a court for war criminals, along with his blood-soaked greedy mates Rove and Cheney.
For every 100 girls that are conceived 115 boys are conceived.
For every 100 girls enrolled in gifted and talented programs in public elementary and secondary schools there are 94 boys enrolled.
For every 100 girls diagnosed with a learning disability 276 boys are diagnosed with a learning disability.
For every 100 women enrolled in college there are 77 men enrolled.
For every 100 women ages 18 to 21 in correctional facilities there are 1430 men behind bars.
Wang, 23, is suffering from an unknown disease, which she contracted when she was seven.
The disease has caused her legs to continue to grow, with the widest part of her leg currently measuring 70 cm (27.6 inches), local media reported.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
June 28, 2007
It looks as if someone tried to give a zebra a respray. . . then ran out of white paint halfway through the job.
But in reality there is no artificial coloring on display here. This amazing but natural coat belongs to Eclyse the zorse.
Her father is a zebra, while her mother is a horse. And she's walking proof of how a child inherits genes from both parents.
For while most zebra-horse crossbreeds sport stripes across their entire body, Eclyse only has two such patches, on its face and rear.
The one-year-old zorse was the accidental product of a holiday romance when her mother, Eclipse, was taken from her German safari park home to a ranch in Italy for a brief spell.
There she was able to roam freely with other horses and a number of zebras, including one called Ulysses who took a fancy to her.
When Eclipse returned home, she surprised her keepers by giving birth to the baby zorse whose mixed markings betray her colorful parentage.
The foal was promptly given a name that is in itself a hybrid, of her parents' names.
Now she's become a major attraction at a safari park at Schloss Holte Stukenbrock, near the German border with Holland, where she has her own enclosure.
Udo Richter, spokesman for the park, said, "You can tell she is a mix just by looking at her. But in temperament she can also exhibit characteristics from each parent.
"She is usually relatively tame like a horse but occasionally shows the fiery temperament of a zebra, leaping around like one."
Horses and zebras are often crossbred in Africa and are used as trekking animals on Mount Kenya.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone or door bell rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, you boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs and Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpeting.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
But lions are his favorite. He lavishes them with unconditional love, he says, treating each individual differently, speaking to them, caressing them and, above all, treating them with respect.
A former student of human physiology who once worked with pre and post-operative human patients, Kevin turned to animals ten years ago when he came to the conclusion that he could trust a lion over one of his own kind.
Kevin says he is most confident with animals he has known since birth, but claims he can become close friends with any lion less than a year old, when it is still flexible enough to accept him as part of its own pride.
A 22-mile bridge that its builders claim is the world's longest sea-crossing structure was formally linked-up Tuesday just south of the business hub of Shanghai. The bridge links Shanghai to the industrial city of Ningbo across Hangzhou Bay, cutting the distance between them from about 250 miles to just 50 miles. Costing 11.8 billion yuan (£0.77 billion), the structure will open to traffic next year following completion of the six-lane roadway that will permit vehicles to travel at speeds of up to 62 miles per hour. The bridge, a mix of viaducts and cable-stayed spans to allow shipping to pass beneath, lies just south of the Yangtze River Delta, one of China's most economically vital regions which is undergoing a massive construction boom aimed at boosting transport links.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Firemen spent 30 minutes trying to free him — and he was arrested by cops as soon as he was released from the window at Peterborough Regional College, Cambs. An onlooker said: "He was so embarrassed he wouldn’t even lift his head to face the firemen." He was with his girlfriend — and she claimed he was trying to retrieve his watch that she’d thrown through the window. Forster and Natalie Leach, 24, both of Peterborough, were charged with burglary.
After doing some quick mental math (area of a circle = pi*radius². Two 8″ pizzas = 2*pi*(4)² = 32*pi square inches, One 12″ pizza = pi*(6)² = 36*pi square inches), I told her we’d be missing out on over 12 square inches of pizza, so we’d rather just have the one 12″ pizza. She complied, and as a nice bonus (probably because she was impressed by my quick geometry skills), she let us have the extra 8″ pizza anyways. Score one for geometry!I know that math is used all of the time in personal finance situations - calculating per unit prices in the grocery store, figuring out payments on credit cards or mortgages, preparing your tax return, etc., but for some reason I was really proud of my quick math skills at thebar that night. I think sometimes the simplest things can be the most rewarding.
You could have worked that out without having to use pi at all, 12″ is 1.5 times bigger than 8″, so the area of a 12″ is (1.5 * 1.5) 2.25 times that of an 8″.
Two 8″ pizzas won’t cut it; you need a 4″ pizza too!
Monday, June 25, 2007
When they ask, "How are you today?" -- tell them!
Say something like... "I'm so glad you asked because no one there days seems to care,
and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...."
You get the idea.
If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name.
Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located.
Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh, my goodness, Judy, how have you been?"
Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out
where the heck she could possibly know you from.
If Sprint calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan,
reply in as sinister a voice as you can,
"I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy
and you could sure use some money.
Tell the telemarketer you are on "home arrest"
and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.
After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you.
When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your
credit card number to a complete stranger.
Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them
if they will give you their home phone number so you can call them back.
When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their home number,
you say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?"
The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
Insist that the caller is really your buddy, Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
And last but not least...
Tell them to talk v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y,
because you want to write every word of your conversation down.
George W. Bush was photographed recently in a pair of black Crocs – as he was heading out from the White House to ride his bike. He wore the clunky resin clogs -- which have ventilation holes and a heel strap --.He had the backstraps of his Crocs flipped forward so they rested on the top of the shoes -- turning them into slides.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
June 23, 2007
Baby Autumn Brown has a name to live up - in fact she has over 25 of them.
The little girl's mother Maria, in keeping with her boxing-mad family's bizarre tradition, decided to give her 25 middle names - all culled from the greatest exponents inside the ring.
Her full name, which left register office staff in Perton, Wolverhampton reeling is: Autumn Sullivan Corbett Fitzsimmons Jeffries Hart Burns Johnson Willard Dempsey Tunney Schmeling Sharkey Carnera Baer Braddock Louis Charles Walcott Marciano Patterson Johansson Liston Clay Frazier Foreman Brown.
Maria told the city's Express and Star: "The whole thing came about because both my mom and dad are obsessed with boxing and have a bit of a daft sense of humor.
"When I was young I couldn't ever remember my name. It took me to the age of 10 to memorize it all."
The 33-year-old mother added: "I'm hoping Autumn has a good sense of humor with her name. It's never done me any harm though."
June 24, 2007
A stalker is on the loose — and may be watching and listening in your bedroom, bathroom or office meeting.
Just ask Tim Kuykendall, whose cell phone provided a portal through which a hacker gained access to the most intimate details of his life, recording family members' conversations and snapping pictures of what they were wearing.
“We’ve had [times] where I’m having a conversation in my home and I get a voice mail and the conversation’s replayed; received a phone call or even checked my voice mail from a message and while I push 'OK' to listen to [it] I’m hearing a conversation going on in the living room between my daughter and my wife,” he told FOX News.
• Click here to watch video.
June 22, 2007
Most wild birds scavenge for scraps wherever and whenever they can. But in Terry Quinn's garden, mealtimes are a more orderly affair. Every day, he rings a bell to signify dinner is served. A robin duly appears, then swoops down on his outstretched palm and snaffles a beakful of succulent mealworms. Mr Quinn, 70, said: "It gives me a real thrill. There is something special about having normally wild and timid birds trusting enough to land on your hand to feed."
See the video here.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Instead, the boy's father could be stripped of his licenses and may face criminal charges, officials said.
Dr K Murugesan showed a recording of his son, Dhileepan Raj, performing the Caesarean to an Indian Medical Association (IMA) chapter in the southern state of Tamil Nadu last month.
He has not expressed any regret and has apparently accused the Manaparai medical association of being "jealous" of his son's achievements.
The project “pimp” the dishes was the initiative of a Dutch artist working with pupils in an area known as “satellite city”, inhabited predominantly by first and second-generation immigrants.
The hooks on the roof are used to move furniture in and out of upstairs flats, using a rope and pulley, in traditional buildings with narrow staircases.
Friday, June 22, 2007
But it was only when their bubbly little two-year-old took an IQ test that her towering intellect was confirmed.
Georgia has become the youngest female member of Mensa after scoring a genius-rated IQ of 152.
Georgia Brown has an official genius-rated IQ - Intelligence Quotient - of 152
This puts her in the same intellectual league, proportionate to her age, as physicist Stephen Hawking.
According to an expert in gifted children, Georgia is the brightest two-year-old she has ever met.
Parents Martin and Lucy Brown have always regarded their youngest child as a remarkably quick learner.
She was crawling at five months and walking at nine months.
By 14 months, she was getting herself dressed.
"She spoke really early - by 18 months she was having proper conversations," Mrs Brown said.
"She would say, 'Hello I'm Georgia, I'm one'. She was also putting her shoes on and putting them on the right feet."
Georgia was so perceptive that after one outing to the theatre to see Beauty and the Beast she solemnly informed her parents: "I didn't like Gaston (the villain). He was mean and arrogant."