Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
A few days after his death, the smoke alarm in her garage went off. She had lived there 28 years and it had never gone off before. She couldn't turn it off so she called the security company that installed it.
The next morning the smoke alarm sounded again and the reason finally dawned on her. She said aloud, "Okay, dad, I missed the signal yesterday but I get it now! Thanks for letting me know that you are safe on the other side. Now turn the thing off so I don't have to call the security company again." The alarm fell silent.
She immediately called her priest to tell him the good news. His response: "Dear lady, if every time your father sends you a message he sets off the smoke alarm, just where you think he is calling from?"
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
The Teleglass T3-F weighs 27 grams and users can view the TV images equivalent to a 28-inch screen located two meters away while ensuring the users' normal visual field.
A set of the wearable display, a controller, a pair of titanium framed glasses, a battery charger and cables will be sold in Japan from Tuesday at 98,000 yen (£410).
"Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your head."
What is the most common pregnancy craving?
For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
A Father's Last Request
A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."
With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
Spring hares are found locally in the semi-arid steppes and dry savannas of Kenya and Tanzania, as well as in southwestern Africa.The peculiar springhare, which appears to be a cross between a kangaroo and a rabbit, has caused scientists much confusion. It was once grouped with jerboas (jumping rodents), then with porcupines, then with scaly-tailed squirrels, until finally it was allotted its own family. The springhare’s large back legs enable it to make gigantic leaps of 20 to 30 feet, using its long tail for balance.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
If you look carefully at the bottom of the can, it reads, "Peanuts Chicken Flavor Coated".
So, I guess if you can't make up your mind between eating chicken or eating peanuts, you can have both in one crunchy delight.
Koh-Kae is also offered in Garlic and Coconut Cream varieties.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
A LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME WATCHED AS THE USHERS PASSED AROUND THE OFFERING PLATES.
WHEN THEY CAME NEAR HIS PEW, THE BOY SAID LOUDLY, "DON'T PAY FOR ME DADDY. I'M UNDER FIVE."
THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED, "NOW, JOHNNY, TELL ME, DO YOU SAY PRAYERS BEFORE EATING?" "NO SIR," HE REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE TO, MY MOM IS A GOOD COOK!"
CLIMB THE WALLS:
"OH, I SURE AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU," THE LITTLE BOY SAID TO HIS GRANDMOTHER ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE. "NOW MAYBE DADDY WILL DO THE TRICK HE HAS BEEN PROMISING US."
THE GRANDMOTHER WAS CURIOUS. "WHAT TRICK IS THAT?" SHE ASKED.
"I HEARD HIM TELL MOMMY THAT HE WOULD CLIMB THE WALLS IF YOU CAME TO VISIT," THE LITTLE BOY ANSWERED.
THE MOOD RING:
MY HUSBAND BOUGHT ME A MOOD RING THE OTHER DAY. WHEN I'M IN A GOOD MOOD IT TURNS GREEN. WHEN I'M IN A BAD MOOD, IT LEAVES A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD.
THE WATER PISTOL:
WHEN MY THREE-YEAR-OLD SON OPENED THE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM HIS GRANDMOTHER, HE DISCOVERED A WATER PISTOL... HE SQUEALED WITH DELIGHT AND HEADED FOR THE NEAREST SINK.
I WAS NOT SO PLEASED. I TURNED TO MOM AND SAID, "I'M SURPRISED AT YOU. DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW WE USED TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY WITH WATER GUNS?"
MOM SMILED AND THEN REPLIED..... "I REMEMBER!!"
LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA! HOW OLD SHE WAS.
GRANDMA ANSWERED, "39 AND HOLDING."
JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU LET GO?"
Little Charlie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Charlie. "Giving up?"
Friday, May 18, 2007
(KTHV) -- Dachshund puppies can cost as much as $200, but last Saturday, a couple got a good deal when they bought one for 15 bucks at a yard sale. The problem is the dog didn't belong to the man who sold it.
"I know he misses his toys," says the dog's owner Ann Loveless. Loveless is like many pet owners, she treats her dachshund "Kringle" more like a child than a pet.
Loveless explains, "When I took a shower, he took a shower. When I go to bed, he goes to bed. When I get up, he gets up. He's more than just a dog. He is my companion and I love him."
So, last Saturday when Kringle got out of his harness and into the streets, Ann panicked. Loveless says, "I started just driving around the neighborhood."
Ann saw a yard sale at a home a block away and asked if anyone there had seen her dog. "And he said, 'Yes, we saw your dog but we have no idea where he is'," Loveless says. Loveless didn't believe the man. That's when police got involved.
Officer Todd Winesburg says, "And we went down and talked to the people. They told us they had seen the dog, that it had run into the yard and out into the street and almost got hit by a car and that was the last time they saw it and they let us into the house to see if the dog was there and it was not."
A day later, the man running the yard sale called Loveless and left this message. "This is John Johns. ... I need to tell you what happened to your dog."
Loveless says, "And he said that he wanted to confess that he had sold Kringle in a yard sale." Johns wasn't home Monday, but his wife Debra explains how it went down, "We put him in the backyard and he was nipping through the fence at our neighbor's dog and my husband didn't like that and by the time I got out of the shower, he had sold the dog and gave the dog to this lady." Debra Johns says both she and her husband feel terrible about what's happened. Debra explains, "I said John what you did was wrong, ethically wrong."
Loveless says, "[John] said 'I want to make restitution.' I said, 'You can't make restitution. You don't have enough money to make restitution to me.'"
Police say Loveless could press charges but instead she just wants her dog back.
Loveless says, "I just want whoever has him. I'm not gonna ask any questions. I just want them to bring him home, please."
The Johns say they're helping put up flyers and traveling around to other yard sales to see if they spot the person they sold the dog to. Loveless and the couple are also offering a $200 reward for Kringle's safe return.
If you know where Kringle might be you can call Ann Loveless at (479) 970-2022.
The horn curves downward and looks like the stalk of a pumpkin, reports the Yangcheng Evening Post.
Granny Zhao, 95, of Zhanjiang city, Guangdong province, says it first appeared three years ago.
Zhao says the horn causes her little trouble except to affect her vision slightly: "It causes me no discomfort, but blocks part of my view."
But her family is hoping that medical experts can explain the phenomenon.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Having spied the discarded banana lying on the ground, he scrambled from his tree for a closer look. He assessed the best way of opening it. Then, carefully and methodically, he placed one of his front paws on the bottom of the fruit to hold it in place before using his teeth to peel back the skin.
Bob Bradley, a squirrel specialist, said: "It's highly unusual for a squirrel to eat a banana. "But they are very, very adaptable creatures. I'm not sure if it's them being supremely intelligent - they're just very good at their job."
A German Shepherd feeds two piglets in Juancho, Honduras.
The picture was shot the day after they were abandoned by their mother.
Piglets suckle German Shepherd
It is not the first time piglets have found a surrogate mother of a different species.
Last year a zoo in China wrapped three piglets in furry strpped jackets and gave them to a mother tiger who had lost her own offspring to help her get over it.
Instead of eating the little porkies she let them suckle her.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
May 15, 2007
A veterinarian said colic or a bellyache may be to blame for weakening Maggie the elephant, whom firefighters hoisted to her feet after she couldn't stand on her own Sunday.
Anchorage firefighters used straps and a winch to lift Maggie on Sunday evening after she had lain down between 10 and 19 hours at the Alaska Zoo in Anchorage. The compressed weight of the animal's bulk could have caused breathing and other problems, or even have killed her.
The incident renewed calls for the 25-year-old African elephant to be transferred somewhere where she can exercise more and be around other elephants.
"It's time to get her out of Alaska," said veterinarian Elliot Katz, president of the San Rafael, Calif.-based In Defense of Animals. "The longer the wait, the more this unnatural and abusive environment will cause severe damage to her feet and joints, until it becomes irreversible."
Zoo officials said the 7,500-pound elephant seemed fine Monday and is walking around and eating normally. Blood tests are under way to determine what led to the incident, said zoo director Pat Lampi.
Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
“I'd like to be six again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.
What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster... everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's, where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie (with) popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Dear, what was it like being six again??"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
"I meant my DRESS SIZE!!”
The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong when it comes to women
Jin remembers that she was shot in 1943 during the Second World War by the invading Japanese army when she was taking supplies to her guerrilla father. She later learned that the bullet had gone through the arm of a person beside her before hitting her head. The chief surgeon, who removed the rusty bullet, was amazed it had remained in her head for so long without causing major problems. "The fact that the bullet lost strength and speed passing through another person, and that the point it struck is not vital, may explain her survival," he said.
(your first name)
Ryan Lipscomb, 26, said he was riding his bicycle pretty fast down the East Isthmus Bike Path where it parallels Eastwood Drive on Madison's east side just before 3 p.m. Eastwood had a green light, so the crosswalk for the bike path showed a white walk sign, Lipscomb said.
He saw the large truck, the kind that usually makes deliveries to offices, coming down Eastwood, preparing to make a right turn onto Division Street. Lipscomb said he could tell the truck wasn't going to stop. So Lipscomb slammed on his brakes, flipping his bike and throwing himself into the street. He landed right at the intersection of Eastwood and Division.
"I didn't see it coming, but I sure felt it roll over my head. It feels really strange to have a truck run over your head."
More than half of children using the internet have had an "unwanted experience" online as the trend of using social networking sites increases, according to a new poll.
The survey for the NSPCC found 50.4% of children had such an experience, which could mean anything from being bullied or threatened to being asked to perform sexual acts.
More than half of children (52%) now use sites such as Bebo and MySpace at least once a day, according to the poll, heightening their exposure to those who could potentially abuse them for their own ends.
The top reason cited by young people for logging on to the sites was to make new friends (89%) and to link up with people they already knew (79%).
But the survey for children's charity also showed almost 60% of children resort to them to stop themselves feeling alone and 53% use them to share their problems.
The findings of the online poll of 2,053 children mostly between the ages of 11 to 16 were revealed as this year's Don't Hide It campaign is launched.
It aims to encourage children to speak out about all forms of abuse perpetrated through social networking sites, following on from last year's campaign about sexual abuse.
NSPCC director and chief executive Dame Mary Marsh said: "Children face real threats on the internet such as sexual grooming, cyber-bullying, exposure to violent, pornographic and other unsuitable material and being lured into dangerous real-world situations.
"Online social networking is part of millions of children's lives. We must recognize and respond to this reality by helping them be safer online as well as helping them speak out about abuse at the same time."
Previous research has shown that one in three young people regularly using the internet have received unwanted sexual comments, according to the NSPCC.
Think you're stretching your gas dollars by killing the air conditioning or buying your gas on Wednesday? Think again.
May 9 2007
NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Using a special additive or cutting off your A/C won't really cut your gasoline consumption. But myths like these run rampant in the minds of American drivers.
Right now, the price of gasoline is (once again) approaching nose-bleed levels. Last week the nationwide average for a gallon of regular unleaded self-serve gasoline climbed to $3.07 a gallon.
So before you attempt a half-baked scheme to stretch your gas dollars, here's a look at what's fact and what's fiction when it comes to fuel economy:
Nothing but gimmicks
There have been additives, special magnets and even a pill that has promised to improve a car's fuel efficiency by as much as 30 percent in some cases.
While the promise of stretching your gas dollars seems awfully lucrative, especially when they cost under $20, most of these products provide a negligible, if any, improvement in fuel efficiency, said Rik Paul, the automotive editor for the publication Consumer Reports.
Consumer Reports and the government's Environment Protection Agency, have tested dozens of these products finding that none of them offer any significant improvement in fuel economy.
"With all the pressure car companies are under, if one of these inexpensive devices dramatically did improve fuel economy, they (automakers) would be all over it."
Windows, air conditioning.
There's the old saw that leaving your windows rolled down creates an aerodynamic drag on your car, cutting down on fuel efficiency. And there's the notion that the fastest way to drain your gas tank is by running your air conditioning.
Don't believe either one.
In two separate studies conducted in 2005, the automotive Web site Edmunds.com and Consumer Reports compared the fuel economy of both a sedan and an SUV at highway speeds with and without air conditioning and how open windows affected gas usage.
What they found was no significant difference in fuel economy in either sedan or SUV under either condition.
Don't wait until Wednesday
Some drivers insist the best time to buy gasoline is on a Wednesday, when pump prices have cooled from the weekend run-up when oil companies typically raise prices.
That's true to a point, says Tom Kloza, chief oil analyst at the Oil Price Information Service. Gas prices tend to be higher on the weekend, but there's no ideal day of the week to purchase your gas.
Geoff Sundstrom of the motorist organization AAA notes that gas prices fluctuate from day to day and are determined by gas station owners who look at a variety of factors including wholesale gasoline prices, competitors' prices and food and drink sales if they have an attached convenience store.
Drivers who want to bargain-hunt for inexpensive gas should instead check out Web sites like Gasbuddy.com, which allows consumers to find the cheapest gas in their area simply by entering their zip code.
Restart your engines
It's probably a myth that goes back to the days when cars were equipped with carburetors, but many drivers believe that starting up and turning off your car repeatedly is a fast way to drain your gas tank.
But because of modern fuel-injection technology, drivers actually save gas by turning off their engine than letting their car needlessly idle, says Consumer Reports' Paul.
Granted it's probably not sensible shutting down the engine every time you get stuck in traffic, but if it looks like you might be at the drive-thru for more than 30 seconds to a minute, it's worth turning off your car.
Tips you can use
So what are some fuel-savings tips you can trust?
Make sure your tires are properly inflated for starters. Besides posing a safety hazard, underinflated tires can reduce your fuel economy slightly, based on Edmunds.com's 2005 study.
Removing excess weight from your car can also help save you gas. The Department of Energy estimates that drivers can save anywhere between 3 and 6 cents a gallon (assuming gas prices of $2.97 a gallon) just by removing those golf clubs and other unnecessary weight from your trunk.
If your car comes equipped with cruise control, make sure you use it, especially on long trips. Edmunds.com's study revealed that using cruise control at highway speeds offered an average fuel economy savings of 7 percent.
But the biggest fuel saver is driving the speed limit and driving sensibly. Rapid starts and stops and exceeding the speed limit will dent your pocketbook. Just by adhering to one of those, the Department of Energy estimates that drivers can save anywhere between 15 and 98 cents a gallon, again assuming pump prices are at $2.97 a gallon.
Monday, May 14, 2007
The Mind Trainer Toilet Roll is sure to keep your mind occupied during those important times on your own in the bathroom - with 10 different games and puzzles to work your way through, you'll never want to leave!
Featured games and puzzles:
• Memory trials word version
• Strip talking
• Memory Trials with numbers
• Brain exercises
• Count the colors
• More math
• Mental arithmetic
The dark-grey bulldog stops to lie still as the cub nudges its side to drink its milk. The bulldog, which recently gave birth to a still-born pup, may be thinking that the tiger is her real child."The baby tiger also seems to believe the dog is her real mother," Matsumura said. "She always asks the dog to breast-feed her by crying loudly."The two may have to part soon in a few months, however, since the 30 cm cub is growing fast.
· Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
· Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
· The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
· I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
· So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.
· Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
· In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.
· The future will soon be a thing of the past.
· “No comment” is a comment.
· So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.