Monday, April 23, 2007
.jpg)
Joke for the day
Redneck Church
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain’t ever been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The congregation of 500 members only has seven last names in the church directory.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the collection plates are hubcaps from a 56 Chevy.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... instead of bells; you are called to service by a duck call.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill".
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... that "Thou shall not covet" thing applies to hunting dogs, too.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain’t ever been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The congregation of 500 members only has seven last names in the church directory.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the collection plates are hubcaps from a 56 Chevy.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... instead of bells; you are called to service by a duck call.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill".
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... that "Thou shall not covet" thing applies to hunting dogs, too.
Procrastinator's Creed
· I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
· I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
· I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
· I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from having missed them.
· I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
· I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
· If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
· I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
· I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
· I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
· Have a great Monday ... or just put it off until Tuesday!
· I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
· I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
· I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from having missed them.
· I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
· I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
· If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
· I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
· I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
· I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
· Have a great Monday ... or just put it off until Tuesday!
Did you know...
The sun is the brightest star in our galaxy right? Wrong. While most stars in the Milky Way galaxy are considered "red dwarfs" (relatively smaller and cooler stars), approximately 15% of the stars in the galaxy are brighter than our sun.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
