Sunday, January 18, 2009

That's Just Crazy


Todays Funny


The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,‘Please wake me at 5:00 AM .’ He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.’
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
"Why is the bride dressed in white?"
The mother replied, Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.
The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!'
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.' The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead"
A police recruit was asked during the exam,
'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?He answered, "Call for backup."
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem .. A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill.."
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.."
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff? 'The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad" Bob

2 sides of everything


In the News

Motorist fined for eating bread at the wheel
Stunned Ediri Tsekiri was fined £60 and had three penalty points slapped on her licence for munching a two-inch long fragment from a sandwich she'd eaten earlier, when she was stopped by an officer in a marked police van.
He informed Ediri that she had been seen eating while driving and that she could have killed a child if one had stepped into the road while she was distracted by eating.
"I ate a crust that was 2 inches long and and I was certainly no more distracted than if I had changed gear or switched radio stations."
He tried to suggest that what it was 'worse' than using a mobile phone while driving, but I don't accept that for a moment. The whole procedure lasted less than a second.
"Everyone takes one hand off the wheel at some point quite legitimately when they change gear, roll down the window or change the heater settings."
Police officers don't drive with both hands on the wheel at every moment.
"In fact, the dashboard of the police van was bristling with all kinds of equipment, including a computer screen which is touch controlled."
If I had been sneezing that could have been more dangerous than eating a morsel of bread.
From earning six figures to hoping for $7 an hour
In her best year as a mortgage broker, Laura Glick from Aurora, Colorado says she made "six figures." This week she was one of more than 1,200 people attending a job fair and applying for one of 150 jobs paying between $7 and $12 an hour at a new Kohl's department store in a Denver, Colorado, suburb.
She has been out of work for seven months and never thought it would take her this long to find a job. It's not the kind of job she thought she would be applying for, but she has a case of the jitters just the same.
"Your heart starts to race, and you get nervous even though it is not some big job like you used to have," she said. "I'll take anything at this point."

The Animal Odd Couple

A heartwarming story, and an object lesson for mankind.