Thursday, December 4, 2008

Cats And Dogs Don’t Cuddle

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New Financial Terms for 2009

CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.
lacey said...
I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along.
I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading and plan on visiting this blog very often.

Monkeys Riding A Bicycle

3 monkeys riding bicycles in Kunming, Yunnan, China.

Man can keep £10,000 in cut-up banknotes.

A street cleaner who found £10,000 in cut-up bank notes has been told he can keep the cash - as long as he can piece it back together.
No-one has claimed the money so Hill has been told he can keep the cash - providing he can piece each note back together.
Graham Hill has in front of him the most lucrative jigsaw puzzle in history, a combination of £10 and £20 notes he found while emptying bins.
Police said there was no evidence the money was stolen and, having kept it unclaimed for six months, said Mr Hill can have it, and any of it he can piece back together will be legal tender.
Mr Hill, from Gainsborough, Lincs, said: "I was gutted when I looked in the bin and saw all the money cut up."
He found the money chopped up and dumped in a bin in Lincoln's Central Market, along with a second bundle found in a bin near a restaurant. They are thought to have been thrown away on the night of May 7.
Lincolnshire Police launched an investigation but gave him it back when no-one came forward.
Det Con Nick Cobb said: "Following extensive inquiries, there was no evidence that the money was stolen or linked to any criminal activity.
"We liaised with the Bank of England and established that the money was genuine.
"Having had no person claim it, we returned it to the finder, who according to the Bank of England, is obliged to try to piece it back together.

3 Obese Americans Move to China, Shed 427 Pounds Combined

Three morbidly obese American men took the unusual step of moving to China in an effort to shed their unhealthy habits and lose weight, Agence France-Presse reported.
Alonzo Bland, 33, and brothers Walt and David Anderson, ages 56 and 50, moved to the northern Chinese city of Tianjin in the middle of this year as part of a weight-loss effort and have managed to shed a combined total of 427 pounds. They hope to lose at least another 100 pounds combined.
The three men headed to China after winning a contest from the U.S. company China Connection promoting traditional Chinese medicine, AFP reported.
Every morning, the three get acupuncture in their bedrooms at the Aimin Fat Reduction Hospital, which doctors say increases the metabolism rate and reduces appetite, according to the report. They also regularly exercise and eat a typical Chinese diet of rice, tofu, meat, vegetables and soup.
Bland weighed 641 pounds before leaving for China and has lost 227 pounds since his arrival.
"The reason why I think it works here is that China is away from everything, all the stuff that I'm familiar with," said Bland, who left a fiancee and two kids back home in Wisconsin and had a tracheotomy in 2000 because the fat in his face was pressing down on his windpipe.