Funny Jokes

My sister walked into a men's clothing store looking to buy a shirt for me and pants for my stepfather. Now, I'm well over six feet tall and my stepdad is pretty short, so she asked a salesman for help. "I'm looking for a shirt with an 18 neck and 38-inch sleeves," she told him, "and trousers with a 30-inch waist and an inseam of 27 inches." After absorbing those measurements, the salesman said, "I have to ask. Do this guy's knuckles drag on the floor?"

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I do the water and sewer billing for a small city in Washington State. Customers complained about our postcard-sized bills -- which they said looked too much like junk mail -- so we decided to start sending full-sized bills in envelopes. The month before we made the switch, I had a note printed on the cards, announcing the change. Two days later, I heard someone yelling at our receptionist "Is this some kind of joke?" When the customer threw his bill on the desk, I saw his point. The note was printed: "Coming Soon! New Larger Bills!"

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Late one night I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station mini-marts to get myself a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. When I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew was as black as asphalt and just about as thick. "How old is the coffee you have here?" I asked the woman who was standing behind the store counter. She shrugged. "I don't know. I've only been working here two weeks."

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Service in the restaurant was abysmally slow. My husband was starting to flip out, so I tried to distract him with small talk.
"You know," I said, "our friend Christi should be having her baby anytime now."
"Really?" my husband snapped. "She wasn't even pregnant when we walked in here."
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When a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my husband, Glenn, and his partner -- both EMTs -- rushed to her home. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. Then he began to gather her information. "What's your age?" he asked."Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her finger. "What does that do?""It's a lie detector," said Glenn with a straight face. "Now, what did you say your age was?""Sixty-seven," answered the woman sheepishly.

Wide Load

Did You Know.............

Cute Alert

The secrets behind some of your favorite toys

1. How the Slinky got stuck between a cult and a mid-life crisis
In 1943, Richard James, a naval engineer, invented the Slinky. A spring fell off of his workbench and began to “walk” across the floor. He figured he could make a toy out of it; his wife Betty agreed and she came up with the name Slinky. Introduced in 1945, Slinky sales soared (say that three times fast), but Richard James grew bored.
Despite his success, by 1960 Richard James was suffering from a serious mid-life crisis. But instead of falling for fast cars, dyed hair and liposuction, Richard James went a different route, and became involved with a Bolivian religious cult. He gave generously to the religious order and left his wife, six children and the company to move to Bolivia.
Stuck with the debts left by her husband and a company that desperately needed her leadership, Betty James took over as the head of James Industries. A marketing savant, Betty James was responsible for additions to the Slinky line including Slinky Jr., Plastic Slinky, Slinky Dog, Slinky Pets, Crazy Slinky Eyes and Neon Slinky. It was great for boys and girls around the world that Betty James didn’t suffer a midlife crisis. In 2001, she was inducted into the Toy Industry Hall of Fame, and perhaps even more laudably, her Slinky dog was forever immortalized in Disney’s Toy Story movies.

2. Why the guy behind the Erector Set Saved Christmas
Because of the market pressures of World War I, the United States Council of National Defense was considering a ban on toy manufacturing. Amazingly, one man’s impassioned speech successfully stopped that from happening.
Alfred Carlton Gilbert was known as “Man Who Saved Christmas.” (There’s even a movie starring Jason Alexander in the title role.) But Gilbert was more than just a gifted orator, he was truly a renaissance man. He was an amateur magician, a trained doctor, an Olympic Gold Medalist (in the pole vault), a famous toy inventor and Co-Founder of the Toy Manufacturers of America. Most famously, however, he was the man behind the Erector Set.
Introduced in 1913 with the catchy name The Mysto Erector Structural Steel Builder, the toy was based on Gilbert’s observation of how power line towers were constructed. The quickly retitled Erector Sets sold well and were limited only by a child’s imagination as to what could be built. But “The Man Who Saved Christmas” (who also held over 150 patents) wasn’t a one-trick pony. His other inventions included model trains, glass blowing kits (think about the liability today!), chemistry sets (one chemistry set was even designed specifically for girls) and in 1951 (during the cold war) he even introduced a miniature Atomic Energy Lab with three very low-level radioactive sources and a real working Geiger counter. Now there’s a toy even a real patriot could love.

3. Why Lincoln Logs are the most deceptively named toys in the business
Standing beside his father, Frank Lloyd Wright and watching the construction of the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo, John Lloyd Wright was inspired. Interlocking beams in the hotel’s basement were designed to handle the little “earthquake problem” that the hotel could encounter. John Lloyd thought, “what if children had a toy version of those beams, shaped like notched tree trunks to build little log homes”?
The architect’s son followed through on his inspiration and the John Lloyd Wright Company manufactured and sold Lincoln Logs from the Merchandise Mart in Chicago. The sets even came with instructions on how to build Uncle Tom’s Cabin as well as Abe Lincoln’s log cabin. Introduced in 1916, the Lincoln Log construction and figure sets came in two sizes available for $2 or $3 dollars.
But here’s the strangest part: the naming of the toy wasn’t a tribute to Honest Abe. It’s a homage to his father. Here’s the scoop: Frank Lloyd Wright was born Frank Lincoln Wright, but he legally changed his name when his parents split. So, Lloyd Jones was his mother’s maiden name and Frank’s name change was to honor her. In any case, whichever Lincoln the toy was honoring, we’re pretty sure Honest Abe would have gotten a kick out of the little logs.

4. Captain Kangaroo saved Play-Doh
Back before it was Play-Doh, everyone’s favorite squishy clay was actually a wallpaper cleaner used to clean soot off of walls. But when people switched from using coal burning furnaces to oil fueled ones in the ‘40s and ‘50s, demand for the product evaporated. Kutol, a manufacturing company in Cincinnati, was watching their sales dwindle when the son of the company’s founder, Joe McVicker, started looking for ways to turn the business round.
His sister-in-law Kay Zufall suggested using the wallpaper cleaner as a child’s craft item, and McVicker was willing to try anything. He formed a new division, Rainbow Crafts, and began selling the re-branded product as Play-Doh. Sales were okay, but then McVicker came up with a way to sell a whole lot more. He contacted Captain Kangaroo (A.K.A. Bob Keeshan) and offered him 2% of sales if the good Captain would feature Play-Doh on his show. He did. Ding Dong School and Romper Room soon followed suit, hawking the crafty compound to kiddies everywhere and Kutol made plenty of Doh (er, Dough) in the process.
While the company has changed hands a few times since (Rainbow Crafts was purchased by Kenner Toys and Kenner was purchased by Hasbro) that’s hardly impeded sales. More than two billion cans of Play-Doh have been sold since 1955.

5. Etch-a-Sketch used to be played like an Atari
Believe it or not, the original Etch-A-Sketch was operated with a joystick. It’s true. The invention was the brainchild of Andre Cassagnes, a French electrician tinkering in his garage. Conceived in 1950, the drawing toy made use of a joystick, glass and aluminum powder. Dubbed the Telecran, the toy was renamed L’Ecran Magique, and made its debut at a European Toy Fair in 1959. Fascinated by the invention, American Henry Winzeler, founder and president of the Ohio Art Toy Company, licensed L’Ecran Magique and introduced it to America in 1960.
Amongst Winzeler’s innovations were replacing the joystick with two white knobs in the left and right corners of the screen. The idea was to make the toy look like the hot new adult toy…television.
As for how the knobs work the two Etch-A-Sketch handles control a stylus that’s attached to strings. The stylus is designed to move up and down and left and right “etching” an image in the Aluminum powder that clings to the glass with static electricity. Amazingly, clever Etch-A-Sketch artists can maneuver the stylus to make what looks like curves and angles creating some spectacular pictures. In fact, the Ohio Art Etch-A-Sketch Gallery actually contains a “Hall of Fame.”

6. Why Trivial Pursuit Almost Never Happened
In 1979, Canadians Chris Haney and Scott Abbott (along with business partners Ed Werner and John Haney) decided to create a game that combined their love of all things trivia and their basic competitive nature. Their company, Horn-Abbott, funded the initial production run of 1,000 pieces and sold them to retailers for $15.00 in 1981. At the time, $15.00 was by far the most expensive wholesale price for a board game. But a downright bargain when you consider the first pieces cost $75.00 each to manufacture. To the retailer’s surprise the game was a hit even at the heady price of $30.00 at retail.
Realizing that they lacked the funding to bring the game to its full potential, Horn-Abbott licensed Trivial Pursuit to Canadian game manufacturer Chieftain Products. Chieftain had a major hit in Canada in 1981 and contacted their American partner Selchow and Righter. Amazingly, Selchow and Righter analyzed the game and found that it was: a) too expensive to manufacture, b) it took over an hour to play, c) the best players had to have impressive knowledge of trivial subjects and d) they assumed adults didn’t play board games. Selchow and Righter passed, but Chieftain was persistent and in 1982 the game was introduced to America at the New York Toy Fair.
Initial sales were worrisome. However, through a solid PR campaign and great word of mouth, sales skyrocketed. Sales peaked in 1984 at 20,000,000 games in North America alone. It was the best of times and the worst of times for Selchow and Righter because in 1986, facing huge debt brought on by an abundance of inventory, Selchow and Righter was sold to Coleco. In 1989, Coleco filed for bankruptcy and the rights to Trivial Pursuit were acquired by Parker Brothers. Today Chris Haney and Scott Abbott’s little game has been made into over 30 “Editions.” It’s available in 26 countries, been translated into 17 different languages and has sold approximately 100,000,000 copies since its inception. Not bad for a game that almost wasn’t.

7. How Mr. Potato Head became a political activist
Two very special things about Mr. Potato Head: 1) he was the first toy to be advertised on television, and 2) he was the first toy that featured real produce. That’s right the original toy came as a collection of eyes, ears, noses, a body and accessories that you’d “force” into a real potato. To be fair to Hasbro, Mr. Potato Head’s creator, did include a Styrofoam “potato” but it wasn’t much fun.
In 1964 a molded plastic potato body became part of the toy. But back then, Mr. Potato Head also had friends including Carrots, Cucumbers, Oranges, Peppers and a love interest, Mrs. Potato Head. With Brother Spud and Sister Yam there was an entire Potato Head family, and all of the packaging carried the slogan “Lifelike Fruits Or Vegetables To Change Into Funny, Lovable Friends.”
What’s most amazing, however, is that Mr. Potato Head’s appeal has garnered him many “spokespud” gigs. In the American Cancer Society’s annual “Great American Smokeout” campaign he handed his pipe to then Surgeon General C. Everett Koop and swore off the tobacco, he got up off the couch for the President’s Council on Physical Fitness, and he even pitched in with the League of Women Voters for their “Get Out the Vote” initiative. Of course, he’s been involved in plenty of straight marketing campaigns, too: in 1997, he shilled for Burger King’s “Try the Fry” introduction of their new French fries. That said, our favorite thing about the spud is the sort of celebrity pull he has. After all, what other toy can claim they were voiced by Don Rickles?
Author Tim Moodie is a 25 year veteran of the toy industry and has worked on projects with Hasbro, Mattel, Parker Brothers, Milton Bradley, Pressman Toys, Ohio Art, Selchow and Righter, Chieftain Products, James Industries and many more. He’s also one of the co-creators of the mental floss board game.

Fun with Bologna

The girl who could die from shock just by watching a scary film

Rare condition: Jennifer Lloyd has to avoid watching scary TV shows
Like most children her age, Jennifer Lloyd loves watching her favorite programs on TV.
But when a scary bit is about to happen the ten-year-old has to leave the room quickly - because the sudden shock could kill her.
Jennifer is one of just six known sufferers of polyglandular Addison's disease, which causes her to become ill whenever she is surprised or shocked.
The condition means she is unable to produce adrenaline in response to alarm or any sudden form of emotional or physical stress.
Instead her body goes into shock and her organs could shut down unless she receives medical treatment.
It means Jennifer can only watch television with the permission of her parents, who also watch with her then ensure she leaves the room if they fear something startling is about to happen.
Since Jennifer was diagnosed three years ago, her parents Amanda, a nurse, and Robert Lloyd, 47, an engineer, of Prestwich, Greater Manchester, have been desperate for more information on the disease.
Named after Dr Thomas Addison, who first described it in 1855, the condition affected U.S. president John F Kennedy.
The polyglandular form of the disease is far rarer than the ordinary one.
The inability to produce adrenaline has a knock-on effect on blood pressure, major organ function and salt levels.
Jennifer suffers from stomach and kidney problems as a result of the condition and has to take a complex range of medication to help her body cope.
Her parents also carry an emergency kit to provide extra medication-when required.
Mrs. Lloyd, 44, said: "When anything particularly good or bad happens, we have to handle it very carefully so it doesn't surprise Jenny.
"We always have to expect the unexpected."

Jennifer was diagnosed with polyglandular Addison's disease when she fell ill with severe stomach ache aged seven
However, Jennifer is able to live a relatively normal life and particularly enjoys Harry Potter.
Mrs. Lloyd said: "With something like Harry Potter we have to watch it with her.
"There was one scene in the Chamber of Secrets where all the spiders came down and she kind of got a bit worried, saying she had to leave.
"But we just tried to reassure her that it's not real. We gave her some more medication and were able to calm her down."
She added: "Jenny has learned a lot about her condition in the last few years and we are all really proud of how she deals with it."
The family has set up a campaign, Jenny's Pennies, to raise cash for research into the condition.

Jennifer's condition means her mother Amanda must be prepared for any kind of shock.

The world's longest hot dog would take me about 4 months to eat

The photo above is of the world’s longest hot dog.
Made in the Akasaka Prince Hotel in Tokyo.

The dog was officially recognized by Guinness as 60.3 meters long.

Yum!

Snacking in the Future

The Col-Pop, an All-in-One Chicken Nugget and Soda Cup

The Col-Pop: emerging technology from South Korean fried chicken chain BBQ Chicken. Popcorn chicken rides up top; cola chills out below. Proving yet again that South Korea is light years ahead of everyone else in fast-food technology is The Col-Pop. The nation that brought the world the spiral-cut potato on a stick and hot-dog-stuffed pizza ushers in a new era of snack portability with this mashup of drink cup and food container that holds popcorn chicken up top and a cold drink in the bottom.

The Col-Pop is the brainchild of BBQ Chicken, a South Korea–based fried chicken chain that has recently set its sights on worldwide chicken domination (though at this time, it only has locations in New York, New Jersey, and North Carolina). From the looks of this container, on-the-go America will certainly eat it up. It's perfect for handy snacking while walking, driving, talking on the phone, or—as we discovered the other day—blogging.
And the genius doesn't stop at popcorn chicken. In South Korea, sister company BHC Chicken also offers spaghetti, french fries, and fried mozzarella balls in Col-Pop containers. The Col-Pops we inspected come in two sizes: small (20 ounce cup) and large (32 ounce).

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Squirrel and the Sport Drink

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Billiard Trick

Let’s make a Deal

Bits of News

Iowa has more Cell Phones than Landlines
A report from Iowa's Utilities Board has found that at the middle of last year, the number of cellphone users in the US state exceeded the number of landlines by a total of 400,000. The report says that the total number of wireless connections in Iowa as of June 30, 2007, is 1,943,334. Wireless carriers are serving at least 97 percent of all Iowa communities.
» Full article here
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Twins Save Mom's Life, Kick Loose Deadly Tumor From Mom's Cervix While Still in Womb
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Anonymous Donor Mails $5M Donation to University
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John Ritter's Family Taking $67 Million Lawsuit to Trial

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Here's a moonwalking puppy

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Dogs on a motorbike in Thailand

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A fox cub licking an ice cream

Why I Like Retirement

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
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Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep in the recliner.
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Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
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Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
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Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.
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Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
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Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
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Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
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Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
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Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal
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Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
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Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
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Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
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Question: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday to Friday; Nothing Saturday & Sunday I rest.

Man randomly gives couple $100,000 in café

Des Moines Iowa, A man had a couple in a restaurant fill out a check "for any amount they wanted" in a random act of kindness.

They were just enjoying a bite to eat in a café - when a mysterious stranger changed their lives by handing them a blank check. It sounds like the script of a television programme, but it is exactly what happened to a couple called Alissa and Barry, as they ate last Thursday at Dr Salami's Café in Pella, Iowa. An elderly man approached the pair and asked them if they had any children. They told him that Alissa did have a two-year-old. The man then slid a check across the table and told them to fill it out for as much as they liked. The two assumed he was joking and filled it out for $100,000. The benefactor then signed the cheque and told the couple: "I'm good for it."
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The man did give them certain conditions. They were not to reveal their last names or his identity and were to use the money to buy a house. And if they have a child together, they are to name the child after him. He told them that he always regretted that he had no grandchildren.