Waterbed Prank

Dog with Only Two Legs

Don’t Worry be Happy

Now you know the truth.

"Lawn Chair"

Drunk in charge of a child

A boozy dad who dozed off in the cinema with his son of five was fined £250 yesterday for being drunk in charge of a child. The father supped whisky as they watched the latest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. But the dad was so bored by the film that he nodded off. Other filmgoers tried to wake him as he began snoring then raised the alarm when they realised he had been drinking. Police were called and breathalysed the 40-year-old father in the reception of the Apollo cinema in Port Talbot, South Wales. He was three times the legal drink-drive limit. His son was taken home by police. The father, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was also ordered to pay £60 costs.

England smoking ban takes effect

Smokers across England have sparked up at work and in the pub for the last time as the ban on smoking in enclosed public places begins.The new law, which came into effect at 0600 BST, is intended to cut deaths from second-hand smoke.

From today anyone lighting up illegally could be fined £50 - reduced to £30 if it is paid within 15 days. The figure rises to £200 if an individual is prosecuted and convicted by a court.

Businesses failing to comply with the ban could be hit with fines of up to £2,500. The ban has prompted protests by smokers and those concerned about what they see as the "nanny state". Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland already have similar bans in place.

Here is what real Texans knows

Then you'rin for an education.
Armadillos traditionally sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 types live in Texas.
Raccoons will test your melon crop and let you know when they are ripe.
If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!
Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
There are valid reasons why some people put razor wire around their house.
A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 'til June 25; then it stops totally until October 2.
Onced and twiced are words.
Coldbeer is one word.
People actually grow and eat okra.
Green grass DOES burn.
When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.
The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.
When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor.
"Fixin-to" is one word.
There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There is only breakfast, dinner and then there's supper.
"Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you are two.
"Backards and forards" means I know everything about you.
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done, or it's too dark to see.
You measure distance in minutes or hours.
You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
Stores don't have bags. They have sacks.
You see a car with the engine running in the Wal-Mart parking lot with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable.
You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables for your own car.
You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco.
You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.
Sexy underwear is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require six pages to cover Friday night high school football.
The first day of deer season is a state holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.
All four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal- Martin" or "off to Wally-world.”
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili-eatin' weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop... It's a Coke regardless of brand or flavor

Dog helps criminal slip short leash

June 28, 2007
An Israeli criminal slipped away from house arrest by putting his electronic ankle monitor on his dog, police said on Thursday.
It wasn't until police came to take Nabil Farumi, convicted of attempted murder, to a sentencing hearing, that he was gone without a trace.
"After we searched the house we saw that he somehow managed to take the monitor off his leg and place it around he neck of his dog, who continued to walk around the house," said Yoram Danieli, a police commander in northern Israel.

"Is it True"

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."