Grasp cat firmly in your arms.
Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle.
Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty."
Drop pill into its mouth.
Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
Follow same procedure as in #1, but hold cat's front paws down with left handand back paws with elbow of right arm.
Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.
Retrieve cat from under bed.
Get new pill from bottle.
(Resist impulse to get new cat.)
Again, proceed as in #1, except when you have cat firmly cradledin bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jawand pop the pill in -- quickly.
Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well.
Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
If you're a woman, have a good cry.
If you're a man, have a good cry.
Now, pull yourself together.
Who's the boss here anyway?
Retrieve cat and pill.
Assuming position #1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here anyway?"
Open cat's mouth, take pill and . . . Ooooops!
This isn't working, is it?
Collapse and think. Aha!
Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.
Crawl to linen closet.
Drag back large bath towel.
Spread towel on floor.
Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.
Spread cat on towel near one endwith its head over long edge.
Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach.(Resist impulse to flatten cat.)
Roll cat in towel. Work fast --time and tabbies wait for no man or woman.
Resume position #1.
Rotate your left hand to cat's head.
Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.
Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently.Voila! It's done.
Vacuum up loose fur (cat's).
Apply bandages to wounds (yours).
Take two aspirins and lie down.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
The Improv Human Mirror on a Subway
15 pairs of twins create a human mirror on a New York subway car.
Jobs In The Lumber Industry
A Canadian lumber camp advertises for a lumberjack. A skinny little guy shows up at the camp the next day carrying an axe.
The head lumberjack takes one look at the puny little guy and tells him to get lost.
"Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the skinny guy.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" says the head lumberjack. "Take your axe and cut it down."
The guy heads for the tree, and in five minutes he’s knocking on the lumberjack’s door. "I cut the tree down," says the guy.
The lumberjack can’t believe his eyes and says, "Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," says the puny man.
"You mean the Sahara Desert," says the lumberjack.
"Sure……That’s what they call it now!"
The head lumberjack takes one look at the puny little guy and tells him to get lost.
"Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the skinny guy.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" says the head lumberjack. "Take your axe and cut it down."
The guy heads for the tree, and in five minutes he’s knocking on the lumberjack’s door. "I cut the tree down," says the guy.
The lumberjack can’t believe his eyes and says, "Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," says the puny man.
"You mean the Sahara Desert," says the lumberjack.
"Sure……That’s what they call it now!"
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Humans can learn from animals
Cute Animals
"Why Can't We Be Friends"
.
Animal Friendship Between Different Species
"Why Can't We Be Friends"
.
Animal Friendship Between Different Species
Ala. police nab Mercedes-climbing goat
The goat was arrested, the Mercedes-Benz was assaulted and the dog came along for the ride.
It happened Sunday when a woman driving the Mercedes saw a goat and dog playing on U.S. 72 in northern Alabama, Sheriff Mike Blakely said.
She stopped, afraid they would get hit, Blakely said. But the goat jumped on the car and wouldn't come down. Fearing scratches and dents in her import's paint job, she called the Limestone County Sheriff's Department. A deputy got the goat down and put it in his patrol car, but then the dog jumped into his back seat too.
The deputy took the dog to a veterinarian and the goat to the home of another deputy. "If anybody is missing a goat and dog, they need to let us know,"
It happened Sunday when a woman driving the Mercedes saw a goat and dog playing on U.S. 72 in northern Alabama, Sheriff Mike Blakely said.
She stopped, afraid they would get hit, Blakely said. But the goat jumped on the car and wouldn't come down. Fearing scratches and dents in her import's paint job, she called the Limestone County Sheriff's Department. A deputy got the goat down and put it in his patrol car, but then the dog jumped into his back seat too.
The deputy took the dog to a veterinarian and the goat to the home of another deputy. "If anybody is missing a goat and dog, they need to let us know,"
Honk Kong Palace of Gold Is Being Sold
Since gold prices hit four-digit territory earlier this year, Mr. Lam has been taking apart his hall of gold as quickly as he once raced to construct it. He is melting down golden chandeliers, armchairs and armored knights and selling gold by the ton to fuel growth plans that include hundreds of new retail outlets in mainland China.But even with the sell off, one thing is certain: The toilet stays. "I don't care if gold hits $10,000 an ounce," Mr. Lam says. "I'm not melting it down."
As far as Mr. Lam is concerned, the golden toilet is more than a Guinness World Record-certified, 24-karat, fully functional flushable throne.
Click here to see photos of the golden palace.
Monday, July 7, 2008
The End Is Near
The end of the Internet is near — and in less than three years, according to the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development.
The reason? More than 85% of the available addresses have already been allocated and the OECD predicts we will have run out completely by early 2011.
These aren’t the normal web addresses you type into your browser’s window, and which were recently freed up by Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers, the body responsible for allocating domain names, to allow thousands of new internet domains ending in, for instance, .newyork or .london.
Beneath those names lie numerical Internet protocol addresses that denote individual devices connected to the internet. These form the foundation for all online communications, from e-mail and web pages to voice chat and streaming video.
When the current IP address scheme was introduced in 1981, there were fewer than 500 computers connected to the Internet. Its founders could be forgiven for thinking that allowing for a potential 4 billion would last for ever. However, less than 30 years later, the Internet is rapidly running out. Every day thousands of new devices ranging from massive web servers down to individual mobile phones go online and gobble up more combinations and permutations.
"Shortages are already acute in some regions," says the OECD. "The situation is critical for the future of the internet economy."
As addresses run dry we will all feel the pinch: Internet speeds will drop and new connections and services will either be expensive or simply impossible to obtain. The solution to the IP address shortage is an upgrade to new addresses that can accommodate our hunger for online connectivity. Such a system, called IPv6, was agreed more than a decade ago, providing enough addresses for billions upon billions of devices as well as improving Internet phone and video calls, and possibly even helping to end e-mail spam.
The reason? More than 85% of the available addresses have already been allocated and the OECD predicts we will have run out completely by early 2011.
These aren’t the normal web addresses you type into your browser’s window, and which were recently freed up by Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers, the body responsible for allocating domain names, to allow thousands of new internet domains ending in, for instance, .newyork or .london.
Beneath those names lie numerical Internet protocol addresses that denote individual devices connected to the internet. These form the foundation for all online communications, from e-mail and web pages to voice chat and streaming video.
When the current IP address scheme was introduced in 1981, there were fewer than 500 computers connected to the Internet. Its founders could be forgiven for thinking that allowing for a potential 4 billion would last for ever. However, less than 30 years later, the Internet is rapidly running out. Every day thousands of new devices ranging from massive web servers down to individual mobile phones go online and gobble up more combinations and permutations.
"Shortages are already acute in some regions," says the OECD. "The situation is critical for the future of the internet economy."
As addresses run dry we will all feel the pinch: Internet speeds will drop and new connections and services will either be expensive or simply impossible to obtain. The solution to the IP address shortage is an upgrade to new addresses that can accommodate our hunger for online connectivity. Such a system, called IPv6, was agreed more than a decade ago, providing enough addresses for billions upon billions of devices as well as improving Internet phone and video calls, and possibly even helping to end e-mail spam.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
